Abstinence-only lunch programs

Yep, the Onion has done it again.

“It’s not the government’s place to step in and tell my kids about food and how it’s okay in moderation or whatever,” said Woodbridge PTA member Steven Bray, a father of two students. “My son’s going to learn how to eat the same way I did–by watching monkeys do it at the zoo.”

And…

“I’m never ever going to eat, because eating is wrong, and I’m worth more than a chicken sandwich with asparagus and rice pilaf,” Woodbridge seventh-grader Tracey Holmes said. “I heard Jennifer Hines eats all the time, like 50 times a day. I heard she eats all her ice cream upside-down, though, so she doesn’t get fat. That’s how it works.”

You know you want to read “Study: Abstinence-Only Lunch Programs Ineffective At Combating Teen Obesity.”

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Author:Lynda

A Republican turned Democrat who is now registered with no party, Lynda is the founder of Essential Estrogen. She and her husband live in eastern Iowa with their two (mostly good) children and two (mostly good) dogs. Their oldest child was turned loose on the world in 2011 and is making her home in another state. A journalist, essayist and hobby fiction writer, Lynda's work has been seen in Salon, RH Reality Check, the Atlantic, The Iowa Independent, UK Guardian as well as other online and traditional publications. She has also appeared as a guest on various television and radio news shows.

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